I have discovered one of the Great Truths of the known universe: Judging a pie baking contest is tough work.
I say this now as an expert in all things pie-eating related. I was recently asked to be a judge in Idler’s Home’s 34th annual Mom and Apple Pie Contest. (We weren’t judging moms, just apple pies.) Honestly, this seemed like a cakewalk. Or a pie walk. I thought this would be a slam dunk for me, Rebecca Rose, Noted Expert on Eating Food.
Was I ever wrong. Pie baking contests are no joke. I know it sounds to any layman pie eater that it would be the easiest thing in the world. Eat pie, judge pie, say what pie you liked best, right? Nope. Not by a long shot.
Judging involves a lot of careful scrutiny and attention to the tiniest of details. Pie is a serious game, and baking is more of a complex science than a whimsical act. First, before setting yourself up for the extreme pressures of being a pie baking judge, you need to understand the most basic element: What makes a good apple pie?
That can be different for everyone. I prefer a very flaky, almost crispy crust and a more traditional or rustic top. Lattice still works for me, but if you can write out my name in pastry dough and set a little crunchy pie crust rosette on the top of that pie, that’s a win in my book. I don’t like anything to cloying, so I look for something that has a nice, even sweetness and a good overall balance of flavors. I don’t particularly like crunchy apples in my apple pie, so I tend to gravitate toward filling that is a little bit softer in consistency.
A good apple pie should be pretty straightforward. It should have a distinctly homemade feel and appearance. Even if you want to think outside the box (go for it), it should still make me think of an apple pie.
Judging criteria involved eight categories, including appearance, consistency of filling, bottom crust, top crust, color/appearance of pie edge, taste, and more. We were served eight pies in total and I can attest that each and every one of them was absolutely delicious and looked beautiful. Ultimately the final determination comes down to a matter of a personal preference.
I brought my fiance along who gleefully agreed to watch all of the judging, with the promise that yes, in the end, he too would get some pie. I watched from my prestigious judges’ table as he sat on the edge of his seat, like Usain Bolt ready to leap toward the pies once the judging was over and the attendees could have their own slices. Seriously, he did not take his eyes of the pie for one second, and I firmly believe he is more in love with one of those pies than he is with me. Oh well, losing my true love to a slice of a la mode apple pie still isn’t the worst thing that’s happened to me romantically.
One of the first pieces of advice we were given was to not eat the entire slice of pie, because it fills you up quickly and there’s no way to get through tasting eight slices when you’re stuffed after the first two. I, a complete fool, firmly did not believe this to be true and (having skipped breakfast so I could fill myself with delicious pie) scarfed down almost three entire slices. Because, again, the pies were freaking good.
But suddenly I realized if I kept this up, I would probably pass out in a diabetic coma and go blind from overeating. So I slowed my roll and took a cue from my fellow judges who were slowly picking apart each slice and analyzing it for inconsistencies. These apple pie judges were more assiduous at analyzing pie than some NASA scientists are about studying rocks from the surface of Mars.
The three winning pies will now go on to compete at the finals, which will involve more pie eating and scrutinous pie studying, no doubt. As for me, I’m trying to make my way through the nine slices of leftover pie that are still sitting in my fridge.
Arts and Lifestyle Writer Rebecca Rose is 100 percent Team Pie over Team Cake. Contact her at [email protected].
• Ca’ Del Grevino Cafe and Tasting Room has hand-rolled tacos (pictured) starting at $4 each made with tri-tip, chicken, or shrimp (for an extra $1). Try the Thai style; the sweet spicy seasoning is a perfect accompaniment to a bottle of one of their pinot noirs. The tasting room is located at 400 E. Clark Ave., Orcutt.
• Rooney’s and Chef James Gentry are serving up box lunches on Fridays for $13 per box pick-up. Pick-up time is between 10 a.m. and 12:30 p.m.; order 10 or more and they will deliver to you. Rooney’s is located at 241 S. Broadway St., suite 101, Orcutt.
• Alisal Ranch in Solvang is hosting another BBQ Bootcamp with Frank Ostini of The Hitching Post 2 and Alisal’s Chef Anthony from May 16 to 18. Learn everything there is to know about Santa Maria-style barbecue and more. I’ve attended one before, and it was a blast! Visit alisal.com to book.
• Trivia Night is back again at Figueroa Mountain Brewing Co. in Los Olivos. Join Samantha at 6:30 p.m. on Wednesdays to challenge your brain with everything from physics to pop culture. The pub is located at 2363 Alamo Pintado Ave.
